the current status
I hadn’t intended to do this sort of a post — the one where you say how much you worked out and how things are changing and what you weigh. But so many others who are further down the line have written about how it helps them to look back and see their progress. Here goes:
I weigh once a week, on Sundays. Last Sunday, I weighed 217 pounds. That's 13 pounds down from my all-time high weight, and about 9 pounds down since the holidays. I’m averaging about a pound per week, although that’s not the way it’s come off. I lost five pounds in January, then nothing or a slight regain when I started at the gym because I was eating out of nervousness, and then several pounds each week since I’ve been serious about the water and massage. (Which have in turn calmed the eating.) I’m really not sure what I’ll weigh tomorrow. I’ve done well the water this week, had more deep-tissue work done, but only been to the gym twice and done yoga once. But both of those gym trips were full-out with cardio and weights. I’ve eaten relatively well, and mostly ovo-lacto except an adventure with a few slices of an extra-lean meatloaf. My massage therapist can tell a difference in my body — more flexibility, less pain, better tissue consistency. I definitely feel stronger and have much less pain.
In spite of the consistent progress I’ve made, actually being able to sustain loss seems so remote to me. Earlier this week, and today, I was feeling confident that I was making progress. My mini-goal is 200, which I should theoretically be able to make by summer. But then I started playing around with a BMI calculator, and figured out that I need to be 196 in order to be merely overweight and not obese. To be at the high end of the “normal” weight range would put me at 165 or so. That’s lower than my high school weight. It doesn’t even seem feasible or possible. 200 seems farfetched enough.
So it helps to read the archives of someone like YP, who has been through all of this and made it. Reading her is particularly inspirational because she also broke her ankle and had plates and things installed, and now she’s a runner. I thought that was something that was completely outside the realm of possibility for me, but apparently not. I’ve never, ever been in the shape to run, but I’ve always had running dreams. Then I broke my ankle 13 months ago, and figured that was it for the idea of running. But maybe it’s still possible! I’m determined to drop off enough poundage and build up my fitness enough to find out.
I weigh once a week, on Sundays. Last Sunday, I weighed 217 pounds. That's 13 pounds down from my all-time high weight, and about 9 pounds down since the holidays. I’m averaging about a pound per week, although that’s not the way it’s come off. I lost five pounds in January, then nothing or a slight regain when I started at the gym because I was eating out of nervousness, and then several pounds each week since I’ve been serious about the water and massage. (Which have in turn calmed the eating.) I’m really not sure what I’ll weigh tomorrow. I’ve done well the water this week, had more deep-tissue work done, but only been to the gym twice and done yoga once. But both of those gym trips were full-out with cardio and weights. I’ve eaten relatively well, and mostly ovo-lacto except an adventure with a few slices of an extra-lean meatloaf. My massage therapist can tell a difference in my body — more flexibility, less pain, better tissue consistency. I definitely feel stronger and have much less pain.
In spite of the consistent progress I’ve made, actually being able to sustain loss seems so remote to me. Earlier this week, and today, I was feeling confident that I was making progress. My mini-goal is 200, which I should theoretically be able to make by summer. But then I started playing around with a BMI calculator, and figured out that I need to be 196 in order to be merely overweight and not obese. To be at the high end of the “normal” weight range would put me at 165 or so. That’s lower than my high school weight. It doesn’t even seem feasible or possible. 200 seems farfetched enough.
So it helps to read the archives of someone like YP, who has been through all of this and made it. Reading her is particularly inspirational because she also broke her ankle and had plates and things installed, and now she’s a runner. I thought that was something that was completely outside the realm of possibility for me, but apparently not. I’ve never, ever been in the shape to run, but I’ve always had running dreams. Then I broke my ankle 13 months ago, and figured that was it for the idea of running. But maybe it’s still possible! I’m determined to drop off enough poundage and build up my fitness enough to find out.
posted by Lulu at 3:07 PM
1 Comments:
First, for people like you and me, BMI calculators are crap. Absolute crap. Did you know that I am currently in the high overweight range? I think you said that your trainer did a body fat analysis. Take that percentage, not the BMI, because those are for small/medium-framed people.
Did you know that the high side of my normal BMI is 165 (this assumes that I am 22% body fat or so, too)?
I'm at 193 right now, and I'm 18% body fat, which is low healthy.
If you are working with weights with your trainer, realize that along with losing fat, you are gaining muscle. I have gained nearly 20 pounds of muscle in about 8 months, and if you are built solidly, you will gain more muscle than the current person.
So, I guarantee all is not lost. Remember that along with the pound of fat you are losing every week (realizing that some weeks you'll lose more, some you will gain, because your body is in a fit of panic and will retain what it can by shifting your metabolism and increasing cortisol hormones), you are gaining probably 1/3 pound of muscle.
For each pound of muscle you gain, you burn an additional 50 calories per day. This is why weight training is sooo important!
As for the anxiety associated with weight loss, I have to say that contrary to what we think, the act of losing a lot of weight is a scary and uncomfortable thing. Along with the excitement of losing, there comes this insecurity, a fear in a way, of being a smaller person. I'm not sure what it is, exactly, but I've found that when I didn't acknowledge it, I ate and gained some back, simply to be comfortable, in a way.
Having lost weight means you have to maintain it--when you let go of the fat, you lose part of yourself, a different person. One thing I thought about is if Mic would be overly happy with my new shape (even though he liked my old) or if men would notice me more. Somehow, these positive things seemed negative, like the person I was before was somehow not good enough or not attractive enough, or something. I had a lot of anxiety that way, as well as looking too far ahead and thinking about the pressure of maintaining once you've lost. It's different for everyone, but there is some anxiety of losing.
Even today, I feel anxiety about someday gaining it back, that pressure to stay where you are, that you'll have to go through this again.
Keeping this blog is a great idea and will allow you to write down some of these thoughts, and I think you will benefit from it.:)
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